“That would be an ecumenical matter”*

*Fr Jack Hackett in “Tentacles of Doom”, the third episode of the second series of Channel 4 sitcom Father Ted.

From: Jeanette Winterson’s Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit (1985):

“…Then the Salvation Army arrived and began to put up their music stands. They’d brought the drum. People watched and waited, and sure enough, within ten minutes there were two sets of carols going strong. My mother pumped and puffed as best she could, and May banged so hard that she split the skin. All the people who had been standing by the barrel organ at the side of the fish market came running round to find out what was happening. Then someone took a photograph.

‘It’s that bloody drum,’ wheezed May. ‘We’ll not win.’ There was some mumbling on our side, then we all agreed to go to Trickett’s to get warm. As we trooped in we saw Mrs Clifton sitting by herself with a teapot.

‘Mind if I sit down?’ panted May, forcing herself on to one of the stools.

‘I was leaving anyway,’ announced Mrs Clifton, gathering up her Marks and Spencer’s carrier bags. ‘Come along Toto.’ And she and her Pekinese trotted off.

‘Stuck-up thing,’ sniffed May. ‘Oy, Betty, come and give us Horlicks and a bit of sticky tape to mend this bloody job.’ She waved her severed tambourine.

‘I were having a quiet afternoon,’ said Betty indignantly as we filled the tiny cafe. ‘It’s tea for all of you and I’m not doing any meals.’ “

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